Hey Raf,
It was good to see
you today, I mean, you weren't there, but I could see you well enough
in the eyes of those you left behind. I'm sorry, I don't mean to
rebuke you, we all make our choices, and you made yours, and we all
have to live with it. So I guess that's where this starts, we do
live with it and today we gathered in your name, on the jetty where
we scattered your ashes, and just like on that day four years ago, we
shivered in the freezing sunset wind and we spoke your name and
watched the light fade out of the world.
We told some stories
about you, I won't repeat them here, save to say that you were
remembered for your kindness and generosity, among other virtues. We
didn't speak much about your vices, we know them too well in
ourselves to make banter of their tales, at least today. We drank
beer and ate cheese and took a moment to reveal ourselves to one
another, in your silent presence.
To recall the past,
but also to revel in the present,
to celebrate our own
continuance.
Each of us feeling
your influence,
each of wishing we
could have known more of you
if only you had
known more of yourself and could have coped, somehow transmuted your
pain into something, anything less burdensome that that black hole
gravity that took you out of this world, beyond our horizons.
Tonight I met some
of your other friends, people I had never met. They are beautiful
and friendly and hearing them speak of you reminded me of all the
love I had for you, which has not faded one lumen, not one candle has
gone out, but rather I find that with the passage of time, I
understand more about why I loved you. It was said tonight, that
the price of love is pain, and it is a fair price.
It is midnight now
as I write this letter to you, dear brother, tears tickle my eyes at
the thought of you laughing, telling stories, shaking your head and
smiling. We gathered in your name brother. Your crazy wisdom lives
on in us.
Flowers gathered
in the morning,
afternoon they
blossom on,
still are
withered by the evening,
you can be me
when I'm gone.
Neil Gaiman
(Sandman)
Rafael, we will be
you, now you are gone.
I love you, I miss
you.
With gratitude and
respect
from your dear
friends.