Hey Raf,
It was good to see you today, I mean, you weren't there, but I could see you well enough in the eyes of those you left behind. I'm sorry, I don't mean to rebuke you, we all make our choices, and you made yours, and we all have to live with it. So I guess that's where this starts, we do live with it and today we gathered in your name, on the jetty where we scattered your ashes, and just like on that day four years ago, we shivered in the freezing sunset wind and we spoke your name and watched the light fade out of the world.
We told some stories about you, I won't repeat them here, save to say that you were remembered for your kindness and generosity, among other virtues. We didn't speak much about your vices, we know them too well in ourselves to make banter of their tales, at least today. We drank beer and ate cheese and took a moment to reveal ourselves to one another, in your silent presence.
To recall the past, but also to revel in the present,
to celebrate our own continuance.
Each of us feeling your influence,
each of wishing we could have known more of you
if only you had known more of yourself and could have coped, somehow transmuted your pain into something, anything less burdensome that that black hole gravity that took you out of this world, beyond our horizons.
Tonight I met some of your other friends, people I had never met. They are beautiful and friendly and hearing them speak of you reminded me of all the love I had for you, which has not faded one lumen, not one candle has gone out, but rather I find that with the passage of time, I understand more about why I loved you. It was said tonight, that the price of love is pain, and it is a fair price.
It is midnight now as I write this letter to you, dear brother, tears tickle my eyes at the thought of you laughing, telling stories, shaking your head and smiling. We gathered in your name brother. Your crazy wisdom lives on in us.
Flowers gathered in the morning,
afternoon they blossom on,
still are withered by the evening,
you can be me when I'm gone.
Neil Gaiman (Sandman)
Rafael, we will be you, now you are gone.
I love you, I miss you.
With gratitude and respect
from your dear friends.
